So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
