How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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