Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
