i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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