Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I could fuck to npr.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
