I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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