sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
