so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
