My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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