I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize