When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I could make wine with my vomit
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm bleeding and have questions
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
