A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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