Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
