Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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