I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
