I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
