Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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