That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
