I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
