Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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