I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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