On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You work out of a Hotel?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
