Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
