I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
