the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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