my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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