These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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