The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
