how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
