he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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