dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
