Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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