I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
