Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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