Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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