Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
