ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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