Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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