Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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