We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
