well I can't set my house on fire every night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
