My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
