i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
