Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
