I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
