I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize