Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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