I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
