He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
