Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
