im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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