I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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