Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
