Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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