Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
