Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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