Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
