dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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