he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
