I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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