D3 body, D1 cock
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
