that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
