Christians are straight up FREAKS
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
