Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
