Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
