Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
