She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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